Human Growth or Sex Ed: Which is It?

My seventh-grader came home from Hart Middle School on Monday claiming to have won that day’s “Penis Game” in seventh-grade health class.

I didn’t know whether to be thrilled, worried or proud. I opted for proud and considered the advice of a friend who suggested printing a bumper sticker to place alongside the Honor Roll sticker.

I wonder how other Pleasanton parents would feel about that: “Proud Parent of a Penis Game Winner.”

"See? ," I'd reply to their puzzlement.

Not only did my seventh-grader begin human growth studies this week as part of Pleasanton schools’ second-semester seventh-grade life science/health curriculum, but my twin fifth-graders at also began their lessons in human growth and development and male and female reproductive systems.

When I was growing up, the lesson had one-part, two-word title. Now, the same essential lesson has a two-part, 10-word moniker:

1979: Sex Ed

2011: Human Growth and Development and Male and Female Reproductive Systems

Is this progress? Possibly. It appears there are more issues covered in the late-elementary and early middle-school lessons in California schools today than were offered three decades ago. Still, straight talk has merit.

If it sounds like sex ed, looks like sex ed and acts like sex ed, it must be sex ed. It’s OK to call it what it is.

Honesty removes taboos.

In 1979, I lived in Potomac, Maryland, where schools didn’t introduce sex ed until sixth grade. We moved from Maryland to the suburbs of Chicago just after I finished fifth grade. But in Illinois, students finished their first introduction to sex ed during fifth grade. I had missed the classes.

Factor in my husband’s 13 years of parochial school (Catholics didn’t talk about sex), and it’s a miracle we managed to have three children in the span of 24 months a few years after our wedding.

This past Monday, conversations around the Sullivan house took on a new level of excitement. Dinnertime tales have been more animated this week than last.

Some parents save these conversations for the car, when the kids are held hostage and eye contact isn’t necessary. While the car can be useful in this way, I don’t mince words.

“So!” I say each evening. “How was Sex Ed today?”

“You mean Human Growth?” they respond, cleverly answering with a question.

“Whatever you want to call it,” I reply matter-of-factly. “Did you learn anything new?”

Sometimes they respond to that question and we strike up a dialogue.

In our house, these discussions began when we added a puppy to the family a few years ago and one of the kids asked, “What does the dad dog have to do with making the puppies?” We quickly realized they needed more of an explanation than our tale of a simple doggie play-date.

Discussions are unplanned; many take place while the kids are at the kitchen table, either during snack time or homework time, and I'm running around completing evening tasks. I don’t lecture and conversations never last longer than five minutes. I answer questions with honesty; when the questions stop, the conversation ends.

Frankly, I enjoy this openness. No question is taboo. If one of our children is mature enough to ask a specific question, he or she likely is ready to hear the truth. We tailor answers to the age of the child and how much information was requested.

We casually chat about the social, emotional and physical aspects of puberty, adolescence, peer pressure and sexuality, and we try to keep it light but meaningful.

But when it comes to sex ed, our household agreement is clear:

“Mom and Dad will always answer you with the truth. No question is too silly to ask. But these conversations remain at home. Please don’t offer information to classmates or friends. They may be learning with different approaches in their households.”

The agreement goes further: “If you hear anything from others, please tell us what kids are saying, especially if you’re confused – or amused. Don’t name names. We don't need to know who is talking. But let us know what’s being said so we can confirm you’re getting the truth.”

Getting back to the aforementioned "Penis Game," please know that this game offers equal opportunity by way of its counterpart, the "Vagina Game."

Hart Middle School science teacher Katharine Canning used the game to "get the giggles out" at the beginning of the nine-day human growth segment. On day one, the student who yelled each word the loudest took home bragging rights — and everyone got out their giggles so Mrs. Canning could get into the serious business of human growth.

It's a simple tactic that works. A straightforward approach, in my view, is the only way to get through to kids on the important topics of sex ed.

Cameron Sullivan is the author of the blog, Candid Cameron.