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A Christmas Peril

A Cautionary Tale for holiday shopping procrastinators

‘Tis the night before Christmas and all through the mall
Not a female is shopping, just men one and all.

The guys are all strung out on cola and fries,
In hopes that a gift will appear ‘fore their eyes.

Wandering aimlessly aisles in each shop,
Fin’ly grasping the meaning of “Shop ‘til you drop.”

A glance at the kids’ list, no meaning it has.
Bieber & Gaga? What happened to jazz?

Maybe he’ll look for a treat for his wife.
It better be right if he values his life.

She warned him that this was his pitiful fate;
To frantically search ‘til the very last date.

“There’s plenty of time,” he heard himself gloat.
Gee, maybe she’d like this blow-up rowboat.

Then what to his weakening eyes should appear,
But a sign, “Need some Gift Cards? Please buy them here.”

He rushes right up to the counter and buys
One for each kiddie and two for his wife.

Hooray! He exclaims as he climbs in the truck.
That wasn’t so tough. It was skill, not just luck.

Ahh yes. Home at last. Then he opens the sack.
Oh Gawd! he cries out. What store was he at?

The “Fluff ‘n’ Puff Dog Grooming Clinic” it reads.
The sweat on his forehead starts forming in beads.

He’s dead meat he knows it. The kids and the spouse
Will never let him out of Fido’s dog house.

Surprise of surprises his family’s not mad.
Instead they all spend their gift cards on Dad.

They schedule ol’ Pop for the full service “do.”
He shows up, reluctantly. Hey, wouldn’t you?

Well he has to admit his new haircut’s a go.
But it’ll take him some time to get used to the bow.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Carol L. Stefan December 22, 2011 at 01:22 AM
Very cute!
penny warner December 24, 2011 at 01:23 AM
Adorable!
Stacey Gustafson December 24, 2011 at 08:06 AM
Just what the guy deserves. A grab and go shopping strategy never works! Enjoyed your story. Great for Christmas.

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