All the Fun of the Fair

Well, if anyone is down in the dumps all you have to do is mosey on down on to Alameda County Fairgrounds.  If you have a small toddler whose chants of “what’s that noise” are all you hear each day give them something to ask about, and if you need a pick-me-up you cannot really beat the buzz of the fair.

There are many aspects of my first ever county fair experience which was such a polar opposite of the fairs I hung out at when I was a kid.  For starters the fair workers do not seem to be pikeys brandishing at least 5 previous lovers’ names on their forearms, a Borstal spot under their right eye or "love" and "hate" tattooed on their knuckles.  They don’t scream into a microphone insisting that you join them in a game too difficult for Bill Gates to master never mind a 2-year-old!  And they certainly don’t spin you around on the dodgems so you immediately expel the $20 of sugary nothingness you’ve just scoffed (all done lovingly onto one’s fellow fairgoer’s head).

Oh no, we are in the States now! The fair attendants are in uniform! I did not see anyone being aggressive in anyway, except some pirate promoting a fun treasure hunt in order to win tickets to a cool looking theme park.  I did not notice anyone making my ride go faster by spinning it because “the louder I scream, the faster he spins," but that may have something to do with having to go on the choo-choo train, the helicopter’s for babies and then watch my kid ring the bell on the circular boat ride three times in a row!

There is the most amazing miniature train set, with a drive in movie theatre, a shark attack and even an appearance of Thomas the Tank Engine. Can you find him?  There is an assortment of old train signals, tractors and heavy farm equipment (a lawsuit in the making I predict). My little one was also a locomotive loony; she could not stop shouting “Train tracks Mama” and “Lights Mama." Mind you, I do spend at least an hour most days chasing that 4:30 Ace Train round Pleasanton’s main street, just so we see a glimpse of it crossing the tracks.

Then there are the teeny tiny baby ducks, chickens and turkeys, all clambering over each other as you make your approach and wave your fingers invitingly towards the holes of the cage. Needless to say, they are immediately hushed away by the volunteer guardians. For about $6 you can take one home. I don’t think they’d make decent burgers yet, though, and boy do those turkeys have some growing to do to get to the size of the drumsticks I saw a few Barney Rubble- types chomping on.

I saw a black widow spider and now can stop killing every black one I see round the house.  They are a lot bigger and plastic looking than I thought they’d be.  Urgggggggg, shivers are running down my spine as I type!

The pig races are Americana to the tee – I loved them!  I had much more fun that all of the whipper-snappers put together, it was hilarious and cute, a lovely pick-me-up for the week – however, I am sure they used the same pigs for most of the races, poor little buggers.

There was local talent contests for singing and artists with lots of historical aspects catering to those of us thirsty for knowledge; something I could not visit with my toddler, but I will have to take a sneak peek at the exhibits with a nice glass of red on my next visit.  I wonder if there is a childcare facility.

What a fabulous place to live by?  I know parking is a bit hard, but it’s a lovely stroll past the back of the race track, that’s where I’ve managed to park – and I have been twice – Cannot wait to go for one more time, this time I may even brave one of the ‘big girl rides’!  I may even have a go on the water ride – I still cannot get over the fact there is a water ride at the fair, not hook-a-duck either – the real deal!  God bless America!

GLOSSARY OF BRITISH TERMS

Pikeys – gypsies

Borstal spot – a homemade spot tattoo under one’s eye; Borstal is a youth detention center in the UK, where most youths obtain their first tattoo!

Dodgems – adult tea cup ride, where fair men spin you round until you scream your heads off!

Whipper Snapppers - kids

buggers - blighters - actually a term of endearment!