Gearing up for the Olympics in my homeland – again another chance for me to sit in my back yard watching TV late into the night reminiscing about the good old days; when I certainly didn’t have a care in the world never mind a crazy 2 year old!
The apple of my eye is two in a few weeks, and it’s my duty to get her psyched up about it. This week she will even break mid tantrum and tell everyone it’s her birthday in August and that she will be 2. The best part of this is she tells strangers I am nine and immediately reverts into the crazy head shaking, leg kicking mad woman she is.
Planning a teddy bear’s picnic tea party for her and 10 friends sure reminds me of my past life as an event planner. However, none of my previous clients have changed the color pallet or theme on the cake so frequently. I have never had a request for green and purple cupcakes or a Morrissey (The Smiths) décor theme. A dry bar has been a bit of a struggle (for me), I am sure mimosas are really just fizzy OJ’s – The Mum’s need something to do while I whisk their kids of into a sugar induced frenzy. I am hoping they all stay still long enough for the photos!
I hope Little Miss Tantrum will be a good girl on party day. It is the Olympics of discipline in my house right now – You know we spank kids in the UK and I can understand why. Toddlers would test the patience of a saint and mine sure is wearing thin. I feel like people are watching my parenting from a distance, ready to pounce on me with the death look, or is it my accent that invites such wincing? Please behave in front of your guests child of mine.
The idle threats have already started “Don’t touch that or we are leaving the store”, “Please don’t walk in the neighbor’s yard and pick flowers or we are leaving”, “Don’t put my tiny earrings in your mouth and pretend you’re going choke or I will be sad”, “Stop squirting your face and head with the yard hose when you’re ready to go visit Grandma or you are staying home with the cats”.
Most of my threats mean leaving the fun thing we’re engaged in and traipsing back home, to look at a carpet full of tiny foot destroying toys. A home I have just taken three hours to vacate, one which needs a lot of housework and spider webs removing. However if no one hears me, I threat no more. Once I’ve been defied we carry on with the fun and I am left wondering how many idle threats she will hear before she completely destroys my thread born patience! I need to start with hard core rules, and Mama has not been a stickler for rules in the past, so I am referring to library books on the subject, and quite frankly they’re a load of rubbish!
Toilet training has started too, and I’ve figured out persistence and positive reinforcement works wonders, along with ice cream bribes of course. My kid at 23 months already manipulates me though and it’s hard not to laugh, I wonder how can she be so much like me already, what has she seen or heard? Has she discovered my teen journals?
With all this parenting taking up my life, it’s hard to grasp the fact my Hubby is sat at home all day long trawling the net for a job opening. We are far from our old life in S.F., the phrase chalk and cheese comes to mind. However I am really happy we headed to the far East (Bay). I have a funny feeling lady luck is ready to burst through the front door and if not I’ll just have to get our little madam a job in a demolition company!
GLOSSARY OF BRITISH TERMS
Rubbish = Garbage
“like chalk and cheese” = “like oil and water”