'Twas the night before New Year’s, when all through P-town
Not a creature was stirring, not even an around.
The smell of tomatoes still hung in the air,
But had long gone from the grounds of the fair.
Foothill High students were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of danced in their heads.
in cuffs, and in an (allegedly) stolen cap,
Had just settled down for a long sequestered nap.
When out on the garage door there arose such a clatter,
sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
With , she prepared for backlash.
The moon on the face of the newly affixed poster paper
Gave opinions more toxic than .
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a full-sized , and a Patch reporter in a
With a little old driver, so lively but with a cowlick,
She knew in a moment it must be “Smart Alex.”
More rapid than eagles his trivia came,
And he prodded, and questioned, and called by name;
"Now, Jeff, now Nikki, now Will and Chris!
On Raymond! On Jon! And Wendy? What random person is this?
To the top of the list! To the top of the trivia ranks!
Now Hurry! Hurry! Before “Occupy” !"
As dry leaves in began to fly,
When they met with an obstacle, countered with .
So up to the top rankings the courses they flew,
Near a and a too.
And then Tanya saw next to a ’65 Corvette,
The barking and pawing of each .
As she was turning around, and quickly drew in her head,
Down Main Street paraded with a on bread.
He was dressed all in fur, and he made quite a scene,
Sitting next to him was .
A couple of stood behind his back,
As complained of the cannon ball crack.
Susan Su’s eyes twinkled! Her demeanor how sweet!
Until sent in their fleet.
Tri-Valley University’s doors were tamper-proofed like banks,
like child-proof lids, and .
Next was Cameron Sullivan drenched from head to toe,
After performing a victory swim for a ;
Following her was David Mills, serious and quite smart,
Although he fretted over the future of .
Next was a green, plump and right jolly old man
It was Mr. Pickle fundraising for a !
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
let Tanya know she had nothing to dread.
Tanya spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And began snapping photos, then turned with a jerk.
She pinched her fingers on top of her nose,
Closing off the ominous odor that suddenly arose.
The siren gave a whistle, fire fighters sprang into their truck,
was actually really rotten onions, yuck!
And then she exclaimed as she set off to write,
"Happy New Year’s Eve to all, and to all a good-night."
Note From the Writer: My weekly column here on Patch is intended to be humorous. I wrote the above column as a comedic "Year in Review" of Patch stories. Out of respect for the families and those that lost their lives tragically, I omitted several stories that impacted our community deeply. However, these stories and the individuals involved deserve to be mentioned and remembered. May they rest in peace. Among them: , , , , .